Reality Tits and Tumour Humour (the intro)

What is it like to have Cancer? 

We see all these adverts on the telly with people running across fields like warriors, 'kicking cancers ass',  rolling in the mud and screaming in rages. People sitting in chairs having chemo and how sad it is. Testimonials from all sorts of patients and their families about how Cancer has come along and 'opened-bowel' all over their lives. 

These days these adverts are actually showing us real people. Bravo. This is how it should be. 

In reality though, these adverts are what we Cancer-Land dwellers like to call 'pink and fluffy'. They are real and they are very sad and they are emotional BUT they don't go the whole hog. They are more like half hog. 

FYI Cancer-Land....like DisneyLand.....only more deaths. 

Have you noticed that our social acceptance of childbirth 'labour-offs' has blossomed 10 fold in the last few years. 

Once upon a time Arthur would stay downstairs while Dylis delivered the baby on an Eiderdown upstairs and once the child arrived and the scene from Kill Bill had been removed from the bedroom, tales would suggest that a stalk glided gently by and placed the bundle of joy lightly on the window ledge. Arthur would smoke a cigar and give his wife a firm handshake.

No mention would ever be given that Dylis shat herself inside out, was begging anyone that would listen to shoot her in the head and not only would she spend the next 4 weeks breaking into a cold sweat every time she needed a dump, she also had a fanny like a broken coconut. 

Nowadays we are more than happy to overshare..... we tune into One Born Every Minute and watch baby Addidas crown away, while a river of blood, shit and amniotic fluid runs passed his head. We are good with this. Afterall, it's beautiful. It's so natural. It's so positive.

50% Of the population are women....women give birth. It's something that so many of us have in common. Is this why we feel we can openly share these things in groups and on social media?

Mum: welcome to the world Troy. 10lb2oz and just gas and air. #windtunnel

Friend: sounds painful. What was it like?

Mum: like shitting a watermelon ☹ #fanhole (when your fancy rips into your bum and you end up with one hole - you heard it here first)

 I read somewhere recently that due to our lifestyle choices, 50% of the population will develop cancer at some point in their lives. 

So why don't we see more stuff on Facebook about the reality of Cancer? Pictures of operation scars, hair loss, weird piss, wonky finger nails with #choppeduptits sitting proudly next to it?

I wonder if maybe it's too sad, too shocking,  too negative? 

Maybe no one is ready to see it. 

I can't decide if this bothers me. It's been niggling at me a bit since I was on a social media group recently that  supported women with breast cancer but it stated that no mastectomy scars could be shown even via links on the page for fear of upsetting someone. Now I completely respect this as 'new joiners' may shit themselves when they see 'Frankenboobs' for the first time but it really highlighted to me that there must be so many of us that actually have no clue what lumpectomies and mastectomies look like. I didn't until I got Cancer. In fact I'd never thought about what hair loss really looked like, or all the other side effects of chemo, radiotherapy and surgery. And what do the emotional side effects look like? What is it really like to have Cancer?

You could well be reading this thinking why the hell do I need to see pictures of this? Well, you don't. You have free will. It's up to you.

Seeing pictures of the reality of cancer won't stop you getting cancer. 

But the reality is Cancer is very much a reality.

 Maybe by seeing things you'll get checked earlier, keep that appointment, investigate that rash!!! 

Maybe it won't do shit all for you, maybe it'll do everything for you. Who knows....what have you go to Lose? 

I'm going to show you some real women who are currently living amongst you now. They are your sisters, friends, neighbours, that bitch from down the road, your teacher, the woman who does your accounts. 

Let me tell you before you run for the hills that it's not all doom and gloom. These women will show you that through all the heart ache and pain (emotional and physical) there is also room for some laughs. This is because Humans are tougher then they appear and Cancer doesn't define you if you don't let it. 

So I said 'send me some pictures that tell me what chemo side effects are really like'

Readers.....I give you (and please click the next bit) ...... the reality of Cancer  (did you click?) 

Welcome to Cancer-Land.....I am Mickey Fucking Mouse