Monday, 29 August 2016

The Toothless Trails. Trail 2: Ceebeebies world.

Seizing the day.

Let me tell you cannot seize every day. It's too bloody tiring. Some days, you should flop out of bed, face down onto the sofa, wear the same pants you had on yesterday, pick the crust off your Primark joggers and catch up with celebrity big brother. 
You don't have to wake up each morning and announce that 'today you shall learn Spanish', 'walk up Scaffell Pike' (personally I prefer Fan-Y-Big for obvious reasons - Google it.. It's real) or 'flit to Paris for a spot of snail munching'. No! It's too hard. 

But what I would recommend is filling any 'empty space' with something. 
If you have a weekend looming but no other plans then to deworm Fido or take Great Aunt Gravy-Chin out to buy some new marquee pants; why not go glamping? Or go on a forest combing walk? You could take Great Aunt Gravy-Chin with you. 
Have you heard of 'geo caching'? That's something we are starting. It's a treasure hunt and I was surprised to learn they are all over my town. 

Anyway, since I opened the one way door to Cancer-land, people rarely say 'no' to me so I've been doing a lot lately!

My Uni friends and I went to the Peak District with our kids. We can't call it a 'holiday' as the kids were there. It was an adventure. 
We quickly referred to the day trips we took as 'Funishment'. 

Adults: "Come on everyone. Let's head to Monkey-Land for some Funishment."

Kids: "Tait just bit me / I want the car seat with the sick on / Milo's Poohed his pants / I hate Monkeys / I wanted to open my own crisp packet / why are there trees here, I hate trees / why is that monkey touching his Winky? / I'm bored." And on and on and on

Adults: "everybody just shut up and enjoy yourselves OK. Mummy and Daddy have paid £5.30 to get in here, plus parking. You will enjoy yourself!"

FUNISHMENT. FUNISHMENT. La la la la laaaaaaaaaaaaa.

It was a huge 'team' effort. All working together to enjoy a group adventure. And then laughing when things most certainly didn't resemble 'The Walton's.' Like when Tait crapped in the communal bath. 
It was all going so well. The two youngest boys in the bath together. No one had bitten anyone, the bath resembled an Ibiza foam party, the tunes were banging (the babies in the bath go splish splash splosh etc) and the boats were being 'shared nicely.' 
Then suddenly, just as the older kids were about to get in the recycled water, a shriek of 'oh my god what's that in the water?' Booms across the bathroom. My blood runs cold as I immediately think 'SHARK!!!!!', then I remember we are in a farmhouse in Bradnop and Jaws was filmed in America.....'fucking hell it must be a floater' and sure enough a fleet of brown submarines had been deployed towards various coordinates across the bath. Cue my friend Cathy and I, frantically scooping our children out of the bath and wiping theirs butts with white towels to established who was responsible. (Good Night John Boy) 

We spent a day at Alton Towers. One of the items on the bucket and spade list . Toothless stayed at the house for this one. I bet she was pleased!!
It was very different to the AT trips of yesteryear. Gone were the days of coach trips that left Bristol at 6am to deliver a large group of pubescent teens reeking of BO to spend the whole day drinking coke, not eating anything that isn't 90% sugar and re-riding Nemisis or Corkscrew until we barfed everywhere. No no no! 
We now walked passed Rita Queen of Speed with our heads hanging low, to enter the world of CBeebies. 
It's like someone chucked the bedtime hour, some neon paints and a can of red bull into a cocktail shaker, gave it a vigorous shake and then opened it in your face. 
It was insane!!!!

The 'in the night garden' boating adventure was Taits favourite. True to form, all the animation was powered by the sound of farts. Upsy Daisy's mechanical skirt had got slightly stuck up and she was basically showing her Foof to all and sundry whilst shouting 'whoopsie daisy do'....It was just like Geordie Shore.
The Pontipines were hardly there at all and the Wattingers had completely fucked off. We were waved off the ride by Iggle Piggle and that stiff red blanket which you just know has been used as a jiz rag. 

The 'pirate ship' was Noah's favourite. Scouse almost lost his shit when I told him it was my turn to go on something with Noah as Tait was too small and had to stay behind. Luckily my dear friend Lou stepped in to look after Tait before Scouse had a melt down.
I came into my own here as if you've ever been to Bristol before, you'll know that we sound an awful lot like pirates. I was oooooing and aaarrrrring up a storm. 
Basically you get in these boats that have water guns on and you can shoot the public and they you. We launched the boat and were 'jolly rogering' our asses off until we rounded the corner....Josh, who is also 3, was promptly shot in the face by some over zealous dad and began to scream his head off, an extremely violent 8 year old used my bald head as a target and completely destroyed my drawn on eyebrows. Scouse was shooting everyone he could see (including the little two year old girl in the pink coat) while Noah was shouting "help me daddy" to which Scouse replied "Sorry I can't son, I've got pirate jobs".
Needless to say it was carnage. 
We then spent 30 minutes queuing to go in one of those stand up hair dryer things. We were reunited with Tait who wanted to join in the hairdryer fun and promptly shat his nappy on a colossal scale. We only realised he'd 'Conjured a Patronus' when the hairdryer began to honk of onions as his nappy was being cooked by the dryer and the fumes blown around us and subsequently the unsuspecting queue of soggy pirates. 
Ahhh good memories. Tait really sized his day there. 

The holiday was fantastic. Scouse and I worked well as a team. I think I can only recall one passive aggressive parent moment when Tait had chucked his curry everywhere and Scouse asked me to clean him up as I had not sat down yet to eat my tea. I replied that really as he was already half way through his meal, he could maybe do it. He promptly replied "there's no 'I' in team Heidi" and gave me his best shit-eating grin. As I turned back to the kitchen to get wipes I'm sure he didn't hear me mutter under my breath 'no but there's a 'U' in Cunt" 

I love spending time with my Uni friends and their families. I don't get to see them that much as they live far away but they've been there for me so much throughout all this crap, and will continue to be there for me even when they are going through their own crap. 
I sometimes forget that my friend Lou nearly died from Menigistis while we were at Uni. She has also had skin Cancer. She is my age. I don't forget because I'm so wrapped up in myself. I forget because she is one of the toughest people I know and she chalks these situations up to experience. She doesn't let them dominate. She doesn't wear the experience on her face. Yes, she wears a lot of sun cream, but she's really ginger and practically see through, so you'd never suspect Cancer was the reason.

And my friend Cathy. Well, she was the one who shaved her head when my hair fell out. She is extremely tough and strong in other ways, ways she wouldn't thank me for typing but I know you trust me when I tell you, she is nails.

I take my strength from my friends and family and the support of people I've never met. People like you.

When faced with this terrible illness that has taken so much from me and may take more in the future, all the bullshit around the edges falls away. I don't care much about my car, about a promotion or about nice handbags; I care about experiences. I care about making the best of everything with the people that mean the most to me.

Seizing the day is about making it count. Not because I think I'm no no! It's because I'm living. 


  1. I am cracking up at your alton towers experience. Sounds a right hoot 😂😂

  2. I am cracking up at your alton towers experience. Sounds a right hoot 😂😂

  3. There is nothing I can say that would complement, add to, or praise your words, your honest, heartbreaking, but more often witty and uplifting words throughout your journey in any way. You sound on the up and up. Sending prayers to you and your family... Allie most prominently included. You are swimming strong. Keep going, brave girl.

  4. Hello Heidi! Your story just had it's TV premiere here in Serbia and I was so amazed by your spirit, energy and strength! I instantly needed to search for your blog and read all the 'updates'. In the situation where 99% of people would just fall into depression and give up, you have continued your battle... with positive thinking, humor and a beautiful smile on your face! You are a true inspiration to all of us! You showed people how to live and FIGHT. My grandma had a breast cancer, my mom has finished with the chemo and radiation a few months ago and now I'm checking my breasts twice a year. I salute your effort in spreading awareness regarding this important topic. You have thought me to be positive and live this life with full lungs, no matter sick or healthy! Thank you! You and your family have my full support and admiration. Stay strong! Milica, 27

  5. As a fellow fighter (who funnily enough kept a journel called "Storm in a B Cup") I just had to come out from behind the door where I have been lurking while reading your blog and salute you, your words are both humorous and profound and so very relateable. I am sure in your no nonsense, can do attitude way you have bought awareness to many and a laugh to those of us who at times really struggle to find happy. In New Zealand people often refer to cancer as The Big C, ask my children and they will tell you it's The lowercase C as we refuse to give it a capitol, we all find our own way to take back the power don't we :) Congratulations on your award, well deserved I say, Kia Kaha (stay strong) Amanda x

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