Tuesday 27 December 2016

Fred

Email for man forum: pete@mummysstar.org

Dangly balls. Wangs. Testosterone. Smelly shoes. Hairy arses. Hairy chests. Hairy feet. Love of boobies. Love of football. Love of rugby. Enjoyment of beer or wine. Eats curry. Punches walls. Smells own farts. Has an inability to wipe own arse properly. Talks about feelings.......hang on......my fingers felt those lies as they crept out. 
That's not right is it? Men talk about their feelings? Do they really? I'm not convinced.

Now I'm well aware of the sweeping generalisations I made in that last paragraph, it's kind of the point to this slightly different post.

When Neanderthal man walked out the cave scratching his nuts do you think his first activity of the day was a group therapy session around an animal carcass, discussing his feelings? 
No.
While Wilma was out the back dragging her rags down a bumpy stone to achieve perfect whites whilst chatting to Betty about BamBams use of the 'F' word, Fred was pissing on flintstones showing his prehistoric nob to his mates.



Men don't talk!!!! (In the stereotypical sense anyway) 

When I was diagnosed with Inflammatory Breast Cancer last September while pregnant, the ass end fell out of our world. 
Along with 10,000 trees worth of leaflets, I left the breast clinic with a list of online support groups that would carry me through everything from chemo induced ass wing-nuts (or haemorrhoids) to the fear of imminent death. 
I logged on that night and had every questioned answered that I needed, immediately! I was given tips, advice and weird suggestions but by and large a feeling of support. I wasn't the only one in the world facing this. I was able to blurt out anything and have an answer immediately....
Does your growler hair fall out?
Will I lose my teeth?
What do you think happens when you die?

I have been through diagnosis of a very rare and extremely aggressive cancer, chemo in pregnancy, premature birth, the heart exploding loss of our daughter, a secondary diagnosis to my lungs, radiotherapy, mastectomy and a further secondary spread to my skin. I can honestly say all these things have support groups but where oh where is Neanderthal man in all this? Is he out the back waxing his arse with fermented berries not giving a shit? 
No he's not. He's sitting on his feelings, quietly dealing with his shituation alone. He's in the cave. And the cave is a very lonely place.

You see he has spent all his time supporting Wilma. Wilmas mental health is quite astounding considering the horrors she has faced. She has Betty to talk to. She also has all the other women surrounding her. It's ok for Wilma to talk over a bone, with anyone. 

But Fred? Well he's screwed. You see some stupid twat thought it was a great idea to start a rumour that men don't share their fears and feelings. Instead they created a role for themselves as protector but gave themselves no room to be a human being. 
Fred doesn't talk.
Fred didn't get any leaflets. 



Jamie, whose wife Kellyanne has incurable Cancer recounts the following: 

 "They passed me a bag of her possessions, including her wedding ring, and told me she would need major bowel surgery and they would call me when it was over.
That was the first of 3 occasions I’ve had to watch Kel disappear through a door for major surgery not knowing if she would come back out again.
Kel and I are just 31 years old. Reading this I imagine everyone is thinking the same thing – this is absolutely shit. 
Over the last few years I’ve met and read about so many women who have gone through what Kel is going through and witnessed incredible courage and endurance in even the most terrible of situations . However very little is written from the perspective of the partner.
Specifically what i wanted to touch on is the stereotype that men are too macho to talk about their feelings. Most people who know me will probably say the same thing which is along the lines of ‘he deals with it all really well but he doesn’t really talk about it’.
Is that because i’m ‘too manly’ to talk or show emotion. Nope! Of course I get upset about it – i cry regularly about it but just because i don’t show it in front of people doesn’t mean i bottle it up." Jamie from MummysStarMen    (Click here for the full article)

Jamie clearly identifies the importance of avoiding being Fred. As does Pete Wallroth who created the charity Mummy's Star in honour of the memory of his beautiful wife Mair.




"Now bear in mind, as a person I have sought support when required in the past. I have never hidden my emotions. I have never been afraid to cry, I have never seen counselling or any other form or support as a sign of weakness. In fact I think each and every one of us could benefit from a few hours counselling even if we don’t think we need it.
So, the idea of seeking support when I most needed it should have been a given for me…..but yet I didn’t. I didn’t say a word. I didn’t want to worry family, I didn’t want to seem weak to friends and I most certainly didn’t want to show it to Mair. Surely it was the last thing she needed?
Wrong!
It was a relief to her. One night while I had Merlin propped up on my knees with Mair sat beside me on the couch, I stared as his little face sleeping and tears started running down my face. How could I begrudge this little guy, Our baby sunshine my love and attention. Tears turned to sobbing and before long I was crying my eyes out in Mair’s arms. I broke down.
“How are you supposed to look after them and me, if you don’t look after yourself?” she asked.
I remember uttering something along the lines of “I can’t, I’ve not got time” to which I think she responded with something along the lines of “Bloody hell I’m not that sick that I can’t have them for 2 hours!” with a smile on her face then gave me another massive hug.
And that was it. The next day I rang a local day hospice that Mair had also been going to and I made an appointment with Jacqui and at that appointment I balled by eyes out again.
And you know what. It didn’t take the situation away. It didn’t remove the cancer from our lives, It didn’t magically create some home help…..but it got it out of me that yes I struggled and it felt good. It was like opening a valve and letting some air out. The difference between a slow puncture or a complete blow out on the motorway doing 80!" (Click here for the full article)  

 My Keith has propped me up, our kids up, my mum and himself since this all started and I will honestly admit that I've neglected him. I was far too wrapped up in what was happening to me to really consider my Fred. 
I like to think that nowadays I'm a little bit more aware of Keith's feelings. He is in this with me but  he is also carrying me (not an easy task when I weigh 40 stone and have a meatball subway hanging out my mouth). 
BUT I am worried about all the men out there that are stuck in the cave with only their smelly shoes, hairy arses and skid marked pants for company. There will be men across the UK punching holes in their caves, quietly sitting on the pain of supporting a loved one who is critically ill.
Pete, Jamie, myself and a whole lot of others want to give men a place to chat and get themselves out of the cave.
Please, if you know any man that has a loved one who is ill, share this post with them. They just need to email Pete directly at pete@mummsstar.org and he will invite them to the 'man forum'. 
When you tell The Fred's about the group they may tell you to piss off and that they don't need support  but they may secretly sneak on there and just not tell you, Fred stylie. They can retain the image of Fred without being Fred. 
No one should feel they can't talk to anyone.
Get Fred out of the Cave xx

14 comments:

Unknown said...

Well said Heidi. No one talks about how the partner feels when they see the person they love going through all this, especially if they are a man. It's brilliant that there is a forum for men to talk about their fears and feelings without being self-conscious or having to 'put on a brave face'. It's about time they had some support too x

Unknown said...

Well said Heidi. No one talks about how the partner feels when they see the person they love going through all this, especially if they are a man. It's brilliant that there is a forum for men to talk about their fears and feelings without being self-conscious or having to 'put on a brave face'. It's about time they had some support too x

peanuts_mum said...

Another fab blog post Heidi. I know my family & friends worry about me being in the forums sometimes but I know it would all be a lot harder without you all in my life

Mandi - www.DarnGoodLemonade.com said...

No one should feel like they don't have anyone to talk to. Caretakers must take care of themselves first. My husband is medically impacted by the stress of taking care of me and it saddens me. I keep pushing him to find and outlet, but no luck so far. :(

Unknown said...

Assisti o documentário aqui no Brasil... Chorei muito com sua história, com suas perdas, e, apesar de não poder dizer que sei como se sente, estarei orando por você, pra que Deus possa te dar toda força que você precisa.

Louise T said...

I read your blog all the time, I thought about you and your family over Christmas, I just think you are amazing xx

Anonymous said...

I can’t believe this is really true I never believe there is cure to this hsv 2 because all the hospital have told me there is no cure to it, few months ago I saw this man email DR.AZIEGBE on internet from a testimony share by someone who he help with his herbal cure I contact his email and ask for his help also, that is how he inform me about the cure process and this man sent me a herbal medicine which I took according to the way he instructed for 2 week I can’t believe when I go for test my result come out negative i am so happy to share this to the world there is real cure to herpes you can also contact DR.AZIEGBE through his email now DRAZIEGBE1SPELLHOME@GMAIL.COM and also WhatsApp him +2349035465208. or my assistant text me +1 (601) 452-8622 or email: JAMESAVA0001@GMAIL.COM...

Dr Ogudugu Solution Temple said...

I have been casting spells for many years and I have helped many people, I might be able to help you too. I am honest, and I genuinely care for all the clients who choose me to cast a spell for them.


If you have any questions about Love, Money, curse, protection, bad luck, divorce, court cases, or about me please call or email me. I really want you to feel comfortable before moving forward with any spells, or other services. I will take the time to explain things to you and provide you with honest advice, to what is best for your situation. I will not pressure you into having a spell cast, I will leave that decision up to you, and when or if you decide to move forward, I might be able to help you.
I will respect your Privacy. I will not seek to obtain any of your personal information beyond what you might voluntarily offer and all information you might give me including emails, phone numbers and photos will remain private and confidential.
I perform my Rituals only at night between the hours of 0.00 - 0.59 (South African time) lasting 1 hour but of course, this depends on the nature of the ritual, some rituals might take hours and can also become necessary to be performed at specials places like; flowing streams, cemeteries and other places dictated by the gods.
I do not want anyone to be under any illusions about my spells and its numerous rituals. Real and effective Voodoo is no child's play, it is expensive because, after the rituals, I will have to destroy all the materials involved by fire and the ashes scattered over a flowing stream or river.
The fee to cast a spell is as high as $150 but this is for good reason, simply put when a person of my experience and ability accepts your request, you might get what you seek.But please understand this might take a lot of time and that individual results may vary. contact +27663492930, greatogudugu@gmail.com

Herbal cure for Following DISEASES,this is not scam is 100% Real.

-HPV
-DIABETES
-PENIS ENLARGEMENT AND WEAK ERECTION
-VIRGINA PROBLEM
-WHOOPING COUGH
- HEPATITIS B
-FORDYCE SPOT
-COLD SORE
-ALS
-LOWER RESPIRATORY INFECTION
-LOW SPERM COUNT
-MRSA(METHICILLIN-RESISTANT STAPHYLOCOCCUS AUREUS
-ZIKA VIRUS
-COPD
-STROKE
-IMPOTENCE
-PILE
-HYPERTENSION
-LOW SPERM COUNT
-MENOPAUSE DISEASE
-ASTHMA
-CANCER
-BARENESS/INFERTILITY
-PCOS
-SHINGLES
-VIRAL HEPATITIS/HEPATITIS B
-FIBROID
-ASTHMA
-SICKLE CELL
-TINNITUS
-BARENESS/INFERTILITY
-DIARRHEA and so on...

LARA said...

I was suffering from HERPES Simplex Virus, i was totally depressed due to my predicament , until i meet Dr omohan the great Traditional healer who cured me. you can also contact him now on whatsapp +2348164816038.or via email:on dromohanherbalmedicine@gmail .com for more information. The medicine has NO SIDE EFFECT

Taylor said...

I'm Taylor Shawn from Greee and I'm here to testify on how DR ODINANI OWELLE helped me become financially stable, having all my dreams come true and becoming a boss of my own without working for others. For four (4) years i have been trying on how i could build up my own company and make it stable still it was useless because as much i try, i kept on failing not until i came in contact with DR ODINANI OWELLE who i was able to write through his email odinanisolutioncentre1@gmail.com telling him my quest. DR ODINANI OWELLE is a supernature beign who have the power to get things back to normal and make the world a happy place for all who have come to him. He wrote me back telling me my case is simple and in less than one (1) week i will have all my heart desires. It came to pass just as DR ODINANI OWELLE wrote to me and today I'm a living testimony. I have the best vehicles all parked in my garage, buy houses in all states, i have my own company and branches all over the world today. Don't let your present case stop you from shining, sit up and share out your difficulties with DR ODINANI OWELLE through his email (odinanisolutioncentre1@gmail.com)

Unknown said...

I'm Taylor Pierette from Canada, lovely, happy life and passionate for greatness. I made a vow which i must fulfilled about DR ODINANI OWELLE the great spell caster who helped me to unite my home again. I've been happily married to my husband for six (6) years and just as we always go on our daily work, he goes to work and so do i but for the past two(2) months, my home start tearing apart. I can't allow my job take me off my family and I'm so must concerned about my family. I noticed how my husband keeps late at night and he barely returns home after work time. It got me curious one Tuesday night, i called him and he told me he's calling for a divorce. Tears drops from my eyes immediately because I love him so much. I started searching for every possible help i could get so as to get my husband back. The days keeps running fast, I consulted help from my friends yet there response wasn't beneficiary to me so I decided to search for other means. Fortunately, i searched online and i saw how DR ODINANI OWELLE has been able to help others who are in same situation with me and even more worst than my, I email him DR ODINANI OWELLE (odinanisolutioncentre1@gmail.com) concerning my request. Immediately he wrote me back assuring me that my case is very simple and I should have no worries anymore. DR ODINANI OWELLE instructed me on items to purchase and how to go about it, i held to his words, purchased the items and followed just as he told me, not withstanding, DR ODINANI OWELLE assured me in a week time, my husband will be back to me. On the second day, while i was at the office, i had a call from my husband, i picked up, he spoke passionately telling me he loves me so much, no matter what have come between us, I should forgive him. O God, my dream came true. Today, myself and my husband are back just same way we were from the beginning. I urge all readers, please don't let your home fall apart when you have your eyes open. Go on, talk to DR ODINANI OWELLE he's so generous, he's there to respond to you in any circumstance you find yourself today.To reach out to DR ODINANI OWELLE at: odinanisolutioncentre1@gmail.com or you can as well go to hes Blogger drodinanisolutioncentre.blogspot.com or odinanisolutioncentre@gmail.com

Rosemary Ston said...

Wow, I can't keep this excitement all to myself without letting the world know what's the secret behind my success. My name is Rosemary Stone, from United Kingdom, 42 years old, passionate, love success, always been thankful to having all my dreams come true and I have no regret over my dreams. I'm a proud gambler who barely have three (3) square meals to eat. For the past 4 years, my life was nothing to be written of, I sleep at the railway station, have little or nothing to eat for a day, I always kept on gambling in other to be on my frets back, yet i failed over and over, kept on loosing. I went online to seek help of riches and success, I tried all different means instructed online of becoming rich and successful in gambling, guess what happens, the more i kept on trying different means of become rich and successful, more i kept on loosing. Defeat gripped me but I stood up to shake it off myself. I decided to follow DR ODINANI OWELLE on his means of becoming rich and successful, I took a deep breath, wrote him through his email (odinanisolutioncentre1@gmail.com). DR ODINANI OWELLE indeed is a great spell caster. He wrote me back, giving me four(4) numbers to play. I have a doubt at first because he (DR ODINANI OWELLE) didn't demand much money from me. I took a bold step and borrowed money from friends who could helped me $1,300.00 for me to use it on the next lotto. I was amazed immediately the lotto result was out, the four(4) numbers giving to me by DR ODINANI OWELLE came out in the lotto result, I got credited $12,000.00 and from that day till this moment, there was a positive turn around in life, I visit any country I want to, buy luxurious cars, houses and companies. DR ODINANI OWELLE the amazing spell caster, you are one in a million a great spell caster. I'm now a boss of my own, I really don't know how to thank you DR ODINANI OWELLE for your kind deeds. If you're out there looking for special lotto number and for you to start living all your dreams in reality, don't hesitate to reach out to DR ODINANI OWELLE at: odinanisolutioncentre1@gmail.com

Harry Roy said...

I'm Harry Roy from Austria. I got kicked out by my boss for no just reason, with much pleading to him, he still gave me deaf ears. I was hopeless not knowing what to do next. I got home with soberness, having my roof top to look at, my dog sitting next to me. I've beaning hearing on how DR OGUDU have been able to handle more critical problems than mine. Having no other option, I searched on how I could reach him and lucky for me, I was able to get to him through his email (Oguduspellcast@gmail.com). I felt so happy the moment I got response from DR OGUDU, he asked me what bordered me, I wrote him that I was kicked out by my boss and now I'm just like nothing on earth. He gave me six (6) lucky lotto numbers to skate huge money on but I had no idea how to play lotto. I wrote the lotto numbers out and searched online on how to stake on lotto. All thanks to God for making me come in contact with an online lotto player who guided me on how to stake, I did just as the online lotto guidance instructed me. I was surprised when I got a notification from my bank. I opened the message and I was credited by my bank. Indeed, DR OGUDU is a great spell caster and you won't believe it, until you come in contact with him. My life has moved from nothing to something and my passion for lotto grows stronger. I stake with huge money and I don't make my staking without writing DR OGUDUfor his special lotto numbers. I want to appreciate my boss who kicked me out of his office because I knew if such never happened, I would still be working for him while he pays me peanut as salary. At times we are bond to face difficulties in life to know our next level and to discover our own destiny. Don't feel that your difficulties don't have a solution. Write to DR OGUDU, he's there to help you out and make you become who ever you chose to be and become successful. CONTACT DR OGUDU AND GET YOUR SOLUTION TODAY
drogudu.blogspot.com His Email Oguduspellcast@gmail.com

Unknown said...

I'm here to share to the worldwide that Dr IMAFIDON is a Powerful Herbal Medicine man. that can cure your disease if you can only contact him and let him help you. I was cured from my HIV illness . I never knew my wife as goijback on-the-go ET. he gave me a Natural cure that ended my suffering after using it for Five day. i went to check myself on the hospital and i was tested negative. I can't more happier but to say thank you sir and i use this medium to say to everyone don't waste any time to contact this powerful herbal Dr IMAFIDON On any Kind of Disease he is Ready to help you. You can reach him through email address DR imafidon0@gmail.com
WHATSAPP number +2348100649947